Testimonial
FM adventures by Kate Starre
I started with thoughts of decline and decay. That aging was taking control and I was no longer able to do all the things I thought I was good at. Being good was a thing! I needed/wanted to get things right.
I had always lived in a world where winning equalled success. But more than that, I was doubting my physical abilities. I was hesitant. This scared me.
Being the best one is clearly a fundamental
Determination doesn’t diminish
I just getting better at redefining the finish
Time is a construct, it doesn’t even exist
It’s just your imagination giving life a twist
How old am I if I didn’t know time?
No doubt, I’d be in my prime
Fighting Monkey enabled a change in focus to experimentation, inquisitiveness and exploration in my practice It’s a place where there are few answers and an increasing number of questions. Conversations about the joy and wonders of life became more the common. Including the wonders of my own body and my own thoughts.
And given the chance to have the exact same conversations again, if you could, I would! And I would discover and learn completely different things. This began to embody ZF. Everyday a new discover, a new adventure, a new journey. An appreciation of patient discovery and the happiness in daily practice purely for the sake of daily practice.
In a world so large, there is so much to learn and do and see without ever reaching the end. You have to be willing to wander in the wilderness for 40 years before finding the promised land (Exodus). At the same time having an appreciation that there is no Fighting Monkey promised land.
I also have a profound respect for autonomy in practice. I don’t practice because I want to move like Jozef. Because Natalia tells me to. I practice for the joy. To feel the happiness, the frustrations, the exhilaration, the struggles. I firmly belief you can’t outsource morality. You can’t outsource motivation. Why to practice, why to move, why to evolve; these are questions I rarely ask. Maybe it is a primitive instinct.
What if my best interests can’t be your best interests?
For your life’s interest, conflict with my life’s interests
Humans are complex, is universal law a delusion?
How would the world be, if everyone lived like me?
I have a secret desire that one day Jozef will say ZF are all a grand joke. Who would continue to practice?
But practice does continue. Thinking and attitudes continue to grow as we learn and discover. New tangents are discovered, and some old thoughts are solidified. It may appear contradictory, that I am less intent on winning, or being the best, but still intent that there is little compromise in the quality of practice. To every practice, bring all your talents! (Matthew 25:14–30) I move like me, sometimes not pretty, yet I have all the tools needed and with a little bit of polish, practice, a greater repertoire I will move with more grace and ease. Yet only I can hold me truly accountable. This I embrace.
I am gentler with myself on the ordinary days. More celebratory on the good days. More accepting that today’s practice is today’s practice, in a week, a year, a lifetime it will be different. Always different. By being more vulnerable, more kind, more caring with my practice I therefore am with others. I am just happier!!!!!
“Everyone knows that the soft overcomes the hard and the yielding triumphs over the rigid’ (Tao TeChing) Still there are moments where rigid is easier, more comfortable. And yielding is the greatest challenge.
So, I continue with the Fighting Monkey journey. Life continues. I will dance and jump and rotate with softnessJ I have had the opportunity to “Start a huge, foolish project, like Noah…it makes absolutely no difference what people think of you” (Rumi). The ark building is only just beginning and fine weather is expected for a long while yet. So, I will continue to embrace the mundane and relish the excitement in daily practice knowing that no two steps are ever the same. I will weather the frustrations and challenges and share the successes by living with grace and delight.
It seems the pine is not as brilliant as the flowers.
When the frost comes, the pine will still stand tall,
While the flowers, withered, can be seen no more.
Hsing Yun
Thank you, Natalia for being part of this FM adventure. Thank you for your wisdom, your honesty, your humour and of course your friendship.
This is just the beginning!
On to part II.
KS
I like to think of my time with Natalia like an internship on how to administer myself an homeopathic remedy for graceful ageing.
An elixir that acts slowly but inevitably as practice proceeds, promoting growth in self awareness, with no counter effect, that can be combined with any other piece of practice.
Natalia in this is a great guide, she leads by example, doesn't say much, but always asks the right questions, and constantly let's you know that ultimately is you, who has to do the JOB.
